Filed under: General Rants
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears… but not your teeth! No, keep those in your mouth, because dentists are evil and must avoided at all costs. Spurn them as you would spurn a rabid dog! The pain dentistry has unleashed upon the world knows no bounds. My own tale of woe begins at the age of five, when…. no, it’s too terrible to relate. That, dear friends, is a tale for a darker day.
Here’s one that I’ve recently endured, however. Earlier in the week, I went [begrudgingly] to the dentist for an appointment. It’s been awhile, and some work needed to be done. I went in pain-free… and came out a swollen mess of anguish. The pain was one thing, but the infection the so-called “medicated filling” [what the hell is that, anyhow? Some sort of penicillin-laced meringue?] was supposed to stop raged through my cheek over the next few days until it looked like I was trying to deep throat a softball. And I dont know how this happened, but it actually GOT INTO MY JOINTS!
Dentists aren’t the only evil creatures inhabiting the dental office, too. There’s the dental assistants who also act as receptionists – or, perhaps it’s better said, the receptionists who act as dental assistants. For you old gamer types, they’re sort of likle the 1d4 hobgoblins you must defeat before taking down the 12d10 ogre. Here’s a recent conversation I had with a dental assistant:
ME: Where are you located?
DA: At 355 Johnson Street.
ME: Okay. Where is that?
DA: … On *Johnson* Street.
ME [pausing]: Umm… no, where is Johnson Street?
DA: It’s, like, downtown.
ME [pausing again]: … aha. What is the main intersection?
DA: Richmond….
ME: Okay…
DA: … and Johnson Street.
ME [longest pause thus far]: Is there an adult there I can speak to?
DA: What?
ME [insert sound of phone banging against forehead here]
- BC
- I’ve a Facebook club dedicated to revolting against dentistry now. Join the decay-filled revolution!
