I Fought The Lawn

I nicked this from Tracy, who snatched it from someone else.
Available/Single? Nope. Married [for the second time] to my wife, Tania. Which is not to say that I married Tania twice. I didn’t. I would, but that would maybe involve divorcing her first, and I’m not for that. Clearly I have always made it my position to come out against that. I already divorced Kerin, who was my first wife. Her I divorced. Please help me, I can’t stop.

Best Friend? Several. Shaun. Kevin, Tracy, Dave, Dennis, Amir, Randy, Carl. I don’t see half of them, ever. I like other people, but find it unlikely I would lie down in traffic for them.

Cake or Pie? Push come to shove, pie. I love both, but nothing beats a fantastic pie, like peach or cherry or lemon meringue. Rhubarb [sp?], too.

Drink Of Choice? Coke. Yeah. Yeah, that’s my weakness.

Essential Item You Use Everyday? “The Ball Brush”. Yes. I, uhh, have a brush solely for scratching my balls. And no, I could not live without it. I think it’s my hook for getting on Survivor.

Favourite Colour? Green. I don’t wear a lot of green, now that I think about it. Also I like orange, but again, not so much with the wearing thing.

Gummy Bears Or Worms? Oh GOD, bless you for knowing there is a difference. BEARS. Worms taste like ass. Or rather what I suspect ass tastes like. Cough.

Hometown? Toronto. I currently resolve in Pickering, which when said always elicits the same “Pickering? I never touched her…” response.

Where exactly? It’s in Ontario, Canada, on one side of that crazy Lake Ontario there. That’s a large blue wobbly thing not far from here.

Indulgence? GUMMY BEARS. OH DEAR GOD YOU BROUGHT THEM UP, AND NOW I WANT THEM. OH HOW I WANT THEM.

January Or February? February means winter is closer to ending, so February.

Kids & Their Names? I have two stepchildren – Hailey Amanda Cox, 10, and Liam Thomas Cox, 7. If I ever have my own, I would choose Cameron Robert and Caitlin Middle Name To Be Determined Later. I like the name “Jenna” so that I could call her “C.J.”, but that’s a famous porn star’s name and I’m undecided. This tears at me.

Life Is Incomplete Without? Tania in the bed beside me, GUMMY BEARS, Coca-Cola, and mild setbacks. Seriously, if we weren’t reminded when things suck, the good stuff wouldn’t be as good.

Number Of Siblings? One elder sister, Michelle. We don’t really communicate with one another. No real reason except we’re different people.

Oranges Or Apples? Oranges, baby, oranges… but grapefruit is even better.

Phobias/Fears? Heights, rats, dying of a disease.

Quote, Favorite? On marraige: “Wait until you’re 40… and then forget about it.” That’s from my Dad. He was kidding.

Reason to Smile? My wife. I am truly blessed. Also cats!

Tag Three People? Tracy was glaring at her screen. What could I do? I shall glare also in Boom-Boom’s direction.

Unknown Fact About Me? I tailor my intelligence level to the people I am around, sometimes acting dumber or smarter than I am on purpose. Isn’t that fucked up? Also, I bet you didn’t see that ball brush thing coming.

Vegetable you don’t like? I’m not fond of turnip. Oddly, I never liked tomatoes before this year.

Worst Habit? I’m sort of ornery now, and easily upset. This has only increased as I get older, and it’s not good – I’m working on it. My ex-wife says that people don’t change as they get older, they just get moreso like they already are. I intend not to be a mega-me when I’m venerable, if that mega-me is me now.

X-rays You’ve Had? Teeth! Only teeth. I’ve never broken anything.

Your Favourite Food? The hamburger. Although I actually went out tonight while writing this, bought gummy bears, and ate a tub of them. No, I’m not kidding. My mind is weak. Also, the taco!

Zodiac Sign? Sagitarius. Go… uh, centaurs!