Remnants of the strep virus still remain, with a painful cough and a sore throat that gets much worse at night than in the day. It’s very annoying, and I can’t wait to get over it.. it’s been three weeks! Even worse, though, is the fact that I’ve thrown out my back with a slip on the ice on my driveway. I am walking very wonkily, and must sit in a stiff chair or lie on my back for comfort. My chiropractor is helping, but progress is slow.
Liam took his first golf lesson at the Dome on Saturday. I hired a pro to teach him, figuring I ought to start breaking at least 85 before I attempt to impart any knowledge on him. Dave Hartmann of “Golfer On The Go” gave him a 30 minute lesson, teaching him the proper grip and to not swing it like a baseball bat. He did a good job, and Liam seemed to have fun.
We had an incident last night at home. In the early evening, the carbon monoxide detector went off upstairs. I tested it, and it was reading some pretty high levels. I sent the family next door, opened windows and called 911, who sent the fire department over. They brought in their own machine [thankfully leaving the sirens off on the truck] and found no trace of carbon monoxide. Apparently my detector had faulted. After I promised them I’d by three new smoke alarms [ours are old] and two new carbon monoxide detectors, they split. Good guys, those firemen. I bought and installed those new fire alarms today, too, plus two monoxide alarms. Gotta protect the chillens!
I passed the safety audit at work. I’m not sure if I wrote about it earlier – I try not to write much about The World’s Biggest Software Company – but much of my third month was spent with 12-hour work days trying to comply to the safety audit. This has been a very challenging, very busy job, but I am enjoying it now more than I have been. I don’t know what will happen in the future there, but things at least seem to be going well. I spend a lot of time actioning emails and co-ordinating facilities stuff, and the rest of it in meetings and on the phone. Very busy. Also, last Tuesday was my 90th day, so my probation period is OVAH! Whooooo!
Lastly… Tracy? Dave? If you’re reading, I think I’m going to fedhead again… with a mini-series of efedding. Please stop me immediately.
- BC
Filed under: Family
So last Saturday night was my first “Monster Jam” experience, and I must tell you about it.
Let me begin by saying that I’m not a car-crushing guy. Any sport that involves trucks smashing things has a certain appeal to it for the young folks, I suppose, but if it’s not Republican government officials under the tires then I’m afraid I’m not really interested. I bought the tickets last July or so for Liam, who’s seven, because car-crushing trucks are exactly his sort of thing and I’m cool with that. This was for him, and my enthusiasm for it came directly off of his enthusiasm rather than from the experience itself.
We drove down to my old work in midtown Toronto, where a friend arranged for us to park for free. From there we took a couple of subways to Union Station before taking the Skywalk [are they going to rename this Rogerswalk now?] to the Rogers Center, which I will always refer to as Skydome [I had borrowed earmuffs from work for Liam on the advice of a contractor; that's what he's wearing in that picture there. Trust me - if you've got a kid going to these things, get the earmuffs for them, because it's loud]. After walking around the building to our gate, we got inside and found we were on the lowest level, only twenty-four rows up. That put us front and center for the action. Of course, I still have a bad sore throat from the strep, so it also put us front and center for all the exhaust and fumes.
Now firstly, I could not believe how many people came to this thing. Skydome was PACKED, from the 100 deck to the 500 level. It was loaded to the gills, people. Is “Monster Jam” really this big a deal? Anyhow, as you can see from the crappy picture from my PDA, the track is an oval circle, and we soon learn that the trucks will race in an elimination series before crushing things in a “freestyle” event. Insert chuckle here.
The lights go out. They bring out “the rest of the pack” – the trucks that no one really knows, I guess – all at once, introducing big pickups with names like American Guardian, The Broker and Virginia Giant. That crew is followed by Batman, which is a neat-looking truck, and then by Superman… which is a truck with a cape. That driver has a very funny entrance, actually: he comes out in glasses and a suit and tie, reading a newspaper as he walks. Then the Superman music starts to play, and he looks around, tearing off his glasses and opening his shirt to reveal the big “S” on his chest. And then… he runs to his truck! Yes, it’s all very amusing. He drives it to the top of a bus, climbs on the roof, and places his fists on his hips while looking around majestically. Finally, though, the lights go out again and Thorogood’s “Bad To The Bone” starts to play, which happens to be Liam’s favourite song. That’s when Gravedigger rolls out, does some doughnuts in the dirt, and generally gets a lot of cheers. Apparently he’s the heavyweight champion ’round here, and he’s main-eventing this thing.
All the trucks line up on one side, and then two are randomly selected to race against each other. They qualify in a first race and then start eliminating each other in the oval. Gravedigger wins this part of the event, much to Liam’s scream-filled delight, though he fails to win the freestyle event, leaving that for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle to win.
Speaking of TMNT, that truck rolled completely backwards at one point, flipping over onto it’s shell [the truck looking like a turtle, you see]. American Guardian lost a wheel, and the evening was peppered with some motorcross stunts off a 60-foot ramp and some RC vehicles being shown off on the track. All in all, it’s not my thing, but it was worth seeing. Why? I’ll show you why:
- BC
BIG, CLUMSY POSTSCRIPTS: On a related note, here’s a conversation I had at coffee break yesterday with the guys from work:
MARK: So how was that “Monster Jam” thing?
BC [rolling eyes]: Oh, man. It was ridiculous. It’s like pro wrestling, but with trucks. What kind of a sport gives you top points for actually rolling your vehicle and not finishing? I can’t believe adults actually go see this thing. What kind of a moron –
DAVE THE SECURITY GUARD [sitting down]: You went to “Monster Jam”? ME TOO! Wasn’t that AWESOME?!?
BC [not missing a beat]: Yeah! What a great time! I, err, loved it!
BARRY [pointing at me]: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Before I forget, you must click on Driver Eight, the new blog I’ve linked to the left there. This is one of my new favourite blogs, as it chronicles one very strong, funny and anxious lady’s longtime goal to adopt a child from overseas. I love this stuff, and my only regret is that I didn’t get reading it earlier. You go get ‘em, girl. Excelsior!
On another front, my job at That Big Software Company seem to be – and I say this hesitantly, so as not to disturb the forces of entropy – coming along a little easier. They’re giving me more responsibility as I reach my three-month mark, so I suppose that’s a good sign. The politics are up ten-fold, but until I find away to change the names to protect the guilty, I’ll hold off on telling you about them. Delicate touch needed here, I fancy, as Boom-Boom would say.
I still have some remnants of strep throat, and while I’m working everyday the pain in my throat is coming and going every other day. I really wish I could kick this thing… it’s been a week and a half! Liam’s throat is also sore, but I promised to take him to one of those very silly “Monster Truck Jam” things tomorrow, which I gather is where large, evil machines with names like Gravedigger do battle of some kind… or perhaps combine their might to destroy the peaceful funny car utopia. I really have no idea. Not really my cup of Drain-O, if you get my meaning, but Knuckles is seven and loud dirty things that crush cars are his lifeblood. Still, my throat is killing me…
BC [whining at dinner table]: Am I the only one who’s throat hurts?
Hailey [not missing a beat]: No, but you’re the only one who won’t shut up about it.
Smart ass kids… where’d they learn that?
See you on SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!
- BC
Filed under: Me
So last Sunday I reported that I played road hockey in a dad-kid game at the park. What I haven’t reported on is the after-effects of that game.
I was pretty wrecked the next two days, and thought that it was just me getting old. I had cramped muscles, and wasn’t moving fast. But after going to bed with a scratchy throat on Tuesday night, I woke up Wednesday morning with my throat full of something. I freaked – my throat was closing, and I got panicky. I could feel a massive lump of phlegm the size of a golf ball in my throat, and I tried in vain to cough it up for an hour.
And then I realized that it wasn’t phlegm. It was… my uvula.
Ever tasted your own uvula? That’s that speed bag that hangs in the back of your throat. Mine was so big it almost filled up my entire throat. I could move it around on the back of my tongue. You’re not supposed to taste that, man. I was scared.
So off to the hospital we went to sit for four hours. Finally a doctor looks in my mouth and says “Ooohh…. that’s NASTY!” One prescription for anti-inflammatories later and a two boxes of popsicles from the grocery store, I’m in bed and missing 3-5 days of work [which, incidentally, is not good when you're only 2 1/2 months into a new job. Hoo, boy.]. It’s basically strep throat, but what it amounted to was a massive infection of the uvula. All the cramped muscles and coughing leading up to it was it building up. I couldn’t really swallow for two days, definitely couldn’t sleep for either of them, and have spent most of each day in bed. Only today am I really feeling somewhat like myself.
Strep throat sucks, kids. Avoid it like you would avoid a rabid dog.
- BC
Filed under: Me
I nicked this from Tracy, who snatched it from someone else.
Available/Single? Nope. Married [for the second time] to my wife, Tania. Which is not to say that I married Tania twice. I didn’t. I would, but that would maybe involve divorcing her first, and I’m not for that. Clearly I have always made it my position to come out against that. I already divorced Kerin, who was my first wife. Her I divorced. Please help me, I can’t stop.
Best Friend? Several. Shaun. Kevin, Tracy, Dave, Dennis, Amir, Randy, Carl. I don’t see half of them, ever. I like other people, but find it unlikely I would lie down in traffic for them.
Cake or Pie? Push come to shove, pie. I love both, but nothing beats a fantastic pie, like peach or cherry or lemon meringue. Rhubarb [sp?], too.
Drink Of Choice? Coke. Yeah. Yeah, that’s my weakness.
Essential Item You Use Everyday? “The Ball Brush”. Yes. I, uhh, have a brush solely for scratching my balls. And no, I could not live without it. I think it’s my hook for getting on Survivor.
Favourite Colour? Green. I don’t wear a lot of green, now that I think about it. Also I like orange, but again, not so much with the wearing thing.
Gummy Bears Or Worms? Oh GOD, bless you for knowing there is a difference. BEARS. Worms taste like ass. Or rather what I suspect ass tastes like. Cough.
Hometown? Toronto. I currently resolve in Pickering, which when said always elicits the same “Pickering? I never touched her…” response.
Where exactly? It’s in Ontario, Canada, on one side of that crazy Lake Ontario there. That’s a large blue wobbly thing not far from here.
Indulgence? GUMMY BEARS. OH DEAR GOD YOU BROUGHT THEM UP, AND NOW I WANT THEM. OH HOW I WANT THEM.
January Or February? February means winter is closer to ending, so February.
Kids & Their Names? I have two stepchildren – Hailey Amanda Cox, 10, and Liam Thomas Cox, 7. If I ever have my own, I would choose Cameron Robert and Caitlin Middle Name To Be Determined Later. I like the name “Jenna” so that I could call her “C.J.”, but that’s a famous porn star’s name and I’m undecided. This tears at me.
Life Is Incomplete Without? Tania in the bed beside me, GUMMY BEARS, Coca-Cola, and mild setbacks. Seriously, if we weren’t reminded when things suck, the good stuff wouldn’t be as good.
Number Of Siblings? One elder sister, Michelle. We don’t really communicate with one another. No real reason except we’re different people.
Oranges Or Apples? Oranges, baby, oranges… but grapefruit is even better.
Phobias/Fears? Heights, rats, dying of a disease.
Quote, Favorite? On marraige: “Wait until you’re 40… and then forget about it.” That’s from my Dad. He was kidding.
Reason to Smile? My wife. I am truly blessed. Also cats!
Tag Three People? Tracy was glaring at her screen. What could I do? I shall glare also in Boom-Boom’s direction.
Unknown Fact About Me? I tailor my intelligence level to the people I am around, sometimes acting dumber or smarter than I am on purpose. Isn’t that fucked up? Also, I bet you didn’t see that ball brush thing coming.
Vegetable you don’t like? I’m not fond of turnip. Oddly, I never liked tomatoes before this year.
Worst Habit? I’m sort of ornery now, and easily upset. This has only increased as I get older, and it’s not good – I’m working on it. My ex-wife says that people don’t change as they get older, they just get moreso like they already are. I intend not to be a mega-me when I’m venerable, if that mega-me is me now.
X-rays You’ve Had? Teeth! Only teeth. I’ve never broken anything.
Your Favourite Food? The hamburger. Although I actually went out tonight while writing this, bought gummy bears, and ate a tub of them. No, I’m not kidding. My mind is weak. Also, the taco!
Zodiac Sign? Sagitarius. Go… uh, centaurs!
Filed under: Five Frame Fridays
Dan Jacobs, with daughter Kiera. Really, really nice man, and I hope it’s all worked out for him. Very rarely do I feel tight with someone I only know online, but Dan’s one of those people. Doesn’t matter why.
Carey Lee. Incredibly funny, and I wish I still worked for him. I miss writing comic books with him at work, and I wish I didn’t have stage fright.
Kerin Donahue. I was married to her for three years, and we were better friends than lovers. I have the world’s greatest divorce, and I don’t see her often enough these days.
Dave McReynolds, with wife Lesley on the birth of their eldest daughter Meghan. I get to see Mickey Rey about once a year, and we work for the same damned company now. It’s not fair, I tells ya.
Tracy Anderson. This is probably the coolest person I know. I should call her more.
- BC
Filed under: From Bachelor To The 'Burbs
Ever wonder what my house looks like on the inside? Yeah, me too. Fortunately, I remembered where I lived, and taped it for future reference. I actually got the idea when I learned you should record your house and it’s belongings in case of a fire. This is more fun, though. Except that my wife thinks that “the bad people” will now finally possess the information they need to be able to penetrate our fortress. I maintain, however, that they will see we have nothing of value, and not bother to waste their time.
ANYHOW! Enjoy, and follow the links below!
- BC
Filed under: Family
It’s warm out still – we still haven’t seen snow yet, save for a small dusting once – and I spent part of today taking the Christmas lights down and cleaning up the garage. Yes, I am a suburban drone.
One of the “cool” things about being suburban drone dad, however, is a good game of road hockey on a Sunday afternoon. Five dads faced off against roughly nineteen thousand kids today in a special road hockey area at the park [the Pickering parks people are very in touch with the kids, it seems, and include road hockey areas and skateparks in them], and I’m glad to report the old men were victorious with a score of 25-24 over the midget mob that bore down on us.
Now I can barely move. I’m not tired or exhausted, but my joints ache. It’s actually quite disconserting. But fun.
- BC
The Smiley Face Intervention
Language is a dying art. Emoticons are not language, and you didn’t learn to read and write to use a crude system of pictograms. Here’s comedian Mark Day with a mathematically-sound intervention for those wayward souls who choose to employ the smiley face. There is another way!
- BC
- Tracy will appreciate this more than anyone I know
