I Fought The Lawn

This, today, from Reuter’s:

MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters) – Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.

Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad’s misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.

“Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else,” Mohammad, a grey-beared man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan.

“We had to take it out intact,” said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. “Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation.”

Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn’t know the bulb was there.

“When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this,” Mohammad said.

“I don’t know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners.”

The doctor treating Mohammad said he’d never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon’s story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.

I’m not exactly sure what to say about this story. Possibly it speaks for itself; I don’t really know. I think I’ll just let it stand alone in the “WTF…?” category of my blog as the idle amusement that it is. I will say this, however, slightly off-topic for the subject at hand: having one’s anus rampaged with a lighting instrument, willingly or otherwise, is a pretty fuckin’ horrible by-product of being jailed for FOUR YEARS FOR MAKING BOOZE. One minute you’re just tryin’ to make a little moonshine in your still for private resale, and the next your bum is being violated with a 150 watt GE frosted bulb? That’s just twisted, that’s what that is.

BIG, CLUMSY POSTSCRIPTS: I am gearing up for another tattoo. My fourth will be a wide banner, and will sit sort of under and around the two you see here…

I have several banners on my arms. I enjoy the idea of having personal messages in the artwork to remind me of the importance of things. The Latin phrase in the upper tattoo here translates into “fortune favours the bold”, which is there to remind me that you’re not likely to succeed in life if you’re not willing to take any risks (and as lame as it may sound, this message actually helped me get together with the woman I now call my wife). The “Fear No Evil” tattoo below that speaks to the need to be courageous, I like to think, as well as tipping a quiet cap to my favourite musician, Steve Earle. The new banner? “Rust Never Sleeps”. That one’s not really a tip to Neil Young, which I imagine people might think, and rather serves as a reminder that life’s short and if there’s stuff you want to do, you better get at them.

 - BC